CHAPTER X

Our Task in the Home

INTRODUCTION

Our Confession does not say a great deal about the Christian home. Its treatment for the most part comes out in the instruction concerning worship, the sacrament of Baptism, and the section on Marriage and Divorce. The Presbyterian Directory for Worship is very explicit concerning the duty of parents in the home. Of course, our standards point always to the Bible, where a good deal is revealed about the task of parents in the home. From these sources let us recognize what at least many Presbyterians believe concerning our task in the home.

A. PREPARING TO ESTABLISH CHRISTIAN HOMES

Christian homes are not accidents. They are the result of much prayer, careful planning, and persistent effort. Their purpose is to provide for the procreation of the race, for mutual helpfulness of husband and wife, and for the spiritual growth of all members of the home. A home is heaven in miniature. It therefore becomes important for Presbyterians and all others to prepare for Christian homemaking.

In recent years Presbyterians have become more aware of the importance of training young people to approach marriage with the proper purposes and attitudes. The meaning of love at its deepest and highest levels, the importance of similar social and religious backgrounds for those to be married, the sacredness of the marriage relationship, the necessity of mutual understanding and regular worship, the dangers of petting and lax relationships between the sexes are among the topics being considered by youth groups in Presbyterian churches. Likewise the reasons for discouraging marriage between Christians and non-Christians, Protestants and Roman Catholics are carefully considered. All of this is reinforced and buttressed by teaching in the home wherever parents take their responsibility seriously.

Such efforts as have been described are an effort to live within the statement of our Confession in Chapter XXVI, Article III, which says:

“It is lawful for all sorts of people to marry who are able with judgment to give their consent, yet it is the duty of Christians to marry only in the Lord. And, therefore, such as profess the true reformed religion should not marry with infidels, Romanists, or any idolaters; neither should such as are godly be unequally yoked by marrying with such as are notoriously wicked in their life, or maintain dangerous heresies.”

As a further means of preparing for Christian marriage, many ministers insist upon one or more conferences with prospective brides and grooms in order to help them to understand more clearly the importance of a Christian home and to urge them to consecrate themselves more purposefully to establish and maintain a Christian home. Presbyterians at their best believe in preparing to make one’s home a Christian home in every sense of the word.

B. FAMILY WORSHIP, EXAMPLE AND TEACHING

The privilege and duty of parents is well summarized in the vows which are taken at the baptism of their infants. Not only are they reminded of their child’s need of the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ and of a saving faith in Him, but they are also asked to affirm:

“Do you now unreservedly dedicate your child to God, and promise, in humble reliance upon divine grace, that you will endeavor to set before (him) a godly example, that you will pray with and for (him), that you will teach (him) the doctrines of our holy religion, and that you will strive, by all the means of God’s appointment, to bring (him) up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?” (Book of Church Order, page 185.)

1. THE VOWS OF PARENTS

Parents who take these vows promise to pray with and for their children. The normal means by which family prayers are maintained is called regular family worship. The reading and recitation of portions of scripture, the use of devotional aids, the singing of hymns, and the offering of prayers are recommended ways of worshiping God in the family. Some families add more serious study to the usual forms of reading. The prayers of parents for children and the prayers of children for their own growth in grace are means of maintaining Christian homes. If there are parents who have not lived up to their vows, let them bring their habits into line with their purposes. They have the grace of God offered for this exercise if they will only take that grace and use it. Ministers will be glad to help any parents who desire to make a start in this direction.

These vows also require that parents set a godly example before their children. The claim that Christ is able to transform our lives becomes an idle claim unless and until it is demonstrated to some degree in our lives. Children need not be expected to take the Christian religion seriously unless their parents do. The power of example is the strongest power known to children. Whatever the temptations of parents, they should be fully aware that their weaknesses may well prove to be the undoing of their children.

David, for instance, took Uriah’s wife and had him killed in battle. His son Solomon magnified this weakness (in the public interest, of course) until he had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Solomon’s son Rehoboam (David’s grandson) insisted on keeping this harem and adding to it at public expense so that the Kingdom was divided permanently, with only two tribes left for Rehoboam to rule over. No matter what David might have said to Solomon, his example was greater than his words, and the consequences of his weakness reached out into the national life of his people.

The secret sins of parents sometimes prevent them from striving for high ideals in the lives of their children. So the secret sins come out in loss of purpose and ideals even though they may not be known for a long time to the children. The children inherit the consequences even though they do not know the specific sins of their parents. To the beasts of the field God gives the power of procreation. To parents He also gives the task of living abundantly before their children.

These vows likewise call for Christian teaching. Even though the most powerful teaching is that of example, other teaching is necessary. The scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, the doctrines of our holy religion which are summarized in the Standards in which these studies center, and the other means of spiritual growth to which reference has been made provide rich teaching materials for alert parents. While it is true that Presbyterians require for membership only repentance from sin, faith in Christ, a desire after a new obedience and a purpose to support the life and work of a Christian church, it is also true that the vows which Presbyterian parents take require a great deal more than these things.

2. THE TEACHING RESPONSIBILITY OF THE HOME

The teaching of the Catechisms has somewhat gone out of style in many homes. One reason for this is that too much of the task of parents was turned over to the church school and there was not sufficient time to do all that needed to be done. Another is that current educational methods strive for understanding of memory work, not mere memorizing alone. Still another is that the wording of the Shorter Catechism is not designed for children or youth. Whatever the reasons may be, the net consequence is that we have produced a generation of Presbyterians who do not know much about the doctrines of our holy religion. This course of study is one of several efforts designed to help meet the present need. For we cannot do without a theology any more than we can do without an engine under the hood of an automobile.

While therefore the church has a teaching obligation to its members, the church also must encourage persons in the home to fulfill the vows that they have taken before God and many witnesses. Our task in the home is a teaching task in which, by precept and example, we strive by all the means of God’s appointment [orig: appointment,] to rear children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” This teaching is designed to help children, when they come to the age of decision, to choose Christ as Lord and Saviour, and to commit their lives to Him in worship and in service.

It should be recognized that many parents will have disappointments in the response of their children to Christian teaching and example. This is much more frequent and much more trying when only one parent is carrying the responsibility which belongs to two. It is even more heartbreaking when the influence of one parent is negative or antagonistic. Let those who strive remember that the grace of Christ is sufficient for our every need, and that often we are chastened for our own spiritual growth. When your heart is perfect toward God and when you have done all that you can, leave the results with Him who is more concerned even than you are over those whom you love.

Let us be proud of the fact that Presbyterians believe in the responsibility of parents. For parents are God’s partners, commissioned by Him to be the instruments through whom He works in the lives of those they love. They have a glorious privilege and a solemn responsibility.

C. THE RELATION BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN

This relationship is best described by the Apostle Paul in Eph 6:1-4. The first requirement of children is that they obey parents in the Lord. Parents should always be careful, therefore, to be in the Lord. Then they will merit the respect which is due to them.

The promise made to those who honor their parents in the Lord is that it will be well with them and that they will live long on the earth. This promise should not be taken to mean that eighty-five years is promised to every child who obeys his parents. It does mean that this is best for the home and for society in the long run. Children may honor their parents most by living a godly life through the power of Christ.

Fathers are enjoined not to provoke their children to anger or exasperation. This means that parents must exercise self-discipline if they expect to exercise discipline over their children. The self-discipline is basic to the discipline. Parents sometimes forget this important fact. They stand for God to their children in the sense that they represent authority and justice and love. Let every man who says he loves God teach children that God is love. And let this redemptive love be expressed in its components of justice and mercy. Let it have a redemptive purpose in the lives of children.

Fathers (and mothers as well) are to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Christian nurture belongs to the home just as surely as does physical nurture. Providing food and clothing for the body, and developing tact and skill in relationships with other members of society are a part of the physical and social nurture of children. But these are not enough. Training children in godliness is also the duty of parents. It is their highest and most solemn duty. The instruction to which reference was made in this chapter is a part of this training. By prayer, by example, and by teaching, parents are able to discharge this obligation to their children.

A Christian home is a little bit of heaven on earth, but it must be made so by the power of the God of heaven. It is the most permanent, the most universal, and the most effective school of Christ in the world. But it must be made so in order to be so. This is why the relationship between parents and children in the home is so important. Children bring out the qualities of self-discipline and sacrificial love in parents. Parents teach children the Christian way of living. Together they form the home in which God dwells among His people.

D. THE CHURCH AND THE HOME AS ALLIES

Just as the Christian home supports the life and work of the church, the church seeks to maintain the Christian home. The two are mutually dependent. Families from homes make up the church family.

1. HELPING TO PROTECT THE SACREDNESS OF MARRIAGE

One of the ways the church helps to maintain the home is through its regulations concerning marriage. It does not deny the civil right to marriage. It encourages marriage by a minister of the church. Furthermore, in addition to its training in preparation for marriage and for the perpetuation of the home as a center for spiritual growth, the church strives to maintain the home by permitting only one ground for divorce. The statement of the Confession on this matter is as follows:

“Adultery or fornication, committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, giveth just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce, and after the divorce to marry another, as if the offending party were dead.” (Chapter XXVI, Article V.)

Following studies of the problem of divorce and re-marriage, the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church, U.S. in 1959 amended the Directory for Worship, particularly paragraph 376, to allow for the re-marriage of some divorced persons where genuine repentance and a new purpose were evident. The Christian Church has a ministry to all who have sinned as well as to all who have kept their lives pure. Without its high ideals home life may easily disintegrate. For this reason it must protect the home in every way possible.

2. COOPERATING IN CHRISTIAN EDUCATION AND SERVICE

The church and the home are allies in Christian education and service. Home preparation for the learning experience of the church school, so long neglected by many Presbyterians, is beginning to be emphasized once more. The example of parents in piety and consistent living before children, as encouraged by the church, makes these two agencies of redemption one in purpose and activity. A clear statement of the duties of parents in religious education is contained in the Directory for Worship, Chapter XVII, paragraph 393:

“In the supreme task of religious education, parents should cooperate with the church by setting their children an example in regular and punctual attendance upon the sessions of the church school and the services of the sanctuary, by assisting them in the preparation of their lessons, and by leading them in the consistent application of the teachings of the Gospel in their daily lives.”

From the above statements and discussion it is apparent that our Standards do set forth the fundamental principles on which Presbyterians strive to build a strong home life among their members.